Upsherin

The upsherin is a boy’s first haircut, traditionally done around the age of three. The word is Yiddish and means roughly “to cut off,” and people also simply say “the first haircut.” In many Sephardic and Mizrahi families, from North Africa and the Middle East, it is called a “halaqa” (or “ḥalaqa”), a word of Arabic origin meaning a haircut. Until then, the child’s hair has not been cut: when the day comes, the family gathers to celebrate.

1The written reference points around this custom

• The peot, the sidelocks: the Torah says “You [men] shall not round off the side-growth on your head” (Leviticus 19:27), and the Shulchan Arukh (Yoreh De’ah 181:1) defines the peot as the two sides of the head, where it joins the jaw. In families that keep the peot, they are spared at the first haircut: this is a custom, especially widespread in Hasidic circles.
• The tree: people often mention the image of a tree whose fruit is forbidden for its first three years (Leviticus 19:23). Some present it as an explanation for the age of three; to our knowledge it is not cited as the source of the custom.
• The Omer: the Shulchan Arukh (Orach Chayim 493:2) records the custom of not cutting one’s hair during the Omer, until the 33rd day (Lag BaOmer). The Rema records that people cut their hair on the 33rd day; the author of the Shulchan Arukh himself writes that one waits until the morning of the 34th day, unless the 33rd falls on a Friday. For a haircut that falls during the Omer, then, choose the date according to your community’s custom.

2Lag BaOmer and Meron

Lag BaOmer, the 33rd day of the Omer, falls on the 18th of Iyar. Many families choose this day for the first haircut, and some travel to Meron, in the Galilee, where Lag BaOmer is associated with Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai. It is a very widespread custom, including among families that are not very observant, but we present it as a custom, not a rule. Apart from Lag BaOmer, other families choose the third birthday, a Rosh Chodesh, or another date that matters to them.

3Across communities

• Ashkenazi families, especially Hasidic ones: it is called an upsherin; the peot are left; the celebration is often tied to other steps into learning (the first Hebrew letters, a kippah, tzitzit), and relatives are invited to cut a lock each. These are widespread customs, not universal ones.
• Sephardic and Mizrahi families from North Africa and the Middle East: many families say halaqa; the spirit of celebration is the same, often with the first haircut at Meron on Lag BaOmer. The sequence, the age, and the guests vary from family to family: follow your own family’s custom.
• Secular or traditional Israeli families: the first haircut is readily a family celebration, with or without a rabbi, sometimes at Meron for the atmosphere and the link to tradition.
• For girls, some families also mark the age of three, in a different way; it is a custom particular to each family.

4What this means for an invitation

• Say what the celebration is in one sentence (“[name]’s first haircut, at age three”). The word upsherin or halaqa may be unfamiliar to some guests.
• If the date falls during the Omer, check it with your rabbi before sending the invitation. Tov flags the Omer, Shabbat, and Yom Tov for the organizer.
• Give the place precisely, especially for Meron, where the crowds make meeting up difficult: give a meeting point.
• Say whether guests are invited to cut a lock, and whether the meal is kosher.