Havdalah

Havdalah means “separation”: it is the ceremony that distinguishes Shabbat from ordinary days. Maimonides explains that Shabbat is to be recalled with praise and holiness both when it comes in and when it goes out, at the start through kiddush and at the end through Havdalah (Maimonides, Laws of Shabbat 29:1).

The Shulchan Arukh gives the order: wine, spices, candle, summed up by the mnemonic “Yavneh” (Orach Chayim 296:1). It also asks that the cup be unblemished. The Rema adds customs: fixing the eyes on the cup and the flame, spilling a little wine, extinguishing the candle in it, and reciting a few verses of good omen before Havdalah.

Before Havdalah, once night has fallen, one refrains from eating and drinking anything but water (Orach Chayim 299:1). That text discusses special cases, such as a meal already begun in daylight: ask your rabbi.

The Shulchan Arukh also asks that one set the table after Shabbat “to escort the Shabbat,” even for just an olive-sized bite (Orach Chayim 300:1). That is the source of what many families call melaveh malkah, the farewell meal for the Shabbat queen.

1Across communities

• The basic sequence (wine, spices, flame) is shared; the spices chosen, the melodies, and the songs around Havdalah vary from family to family and community to community. Follow your own community’s custom.
• Sephardic, Ashkenazi, and Mizrahi families: each has its own habits for the Saturday night meal and its own tunes; ask about yours instead of assuming.
• Secular Israelis: many families mark the end of Shabbat with a short Havdalah before the week resumes; how this looks varies by family.

2What it changes for an invitation

A Saturday night event cannot begin before Shabbat ends. That time varies by location and by community custom, and cannot be worked out from a date alone: ask your rabbi or a local Jewish calendar, and leave a cushion between the end of Shabbat and the start of the reception.

• Wedding or other celebration on Saturday night: Shabbat is over, but the date still has every other calendar constraint; a word from your rabbi avoids unpleasant surprises.
• Observant guests: many wait until they have heard or said Havdalah before using a phone, driving, or taking photos; others have already done theirs at home. That is each person’s custom and each rabbi’s ruling; assume nothing.
• Havdalah on site: plan for a cup, wine or grape juice, spices, and a candle, and tell guests whether it will take place before the meal.
• Replies: an observant guest will not answer by phone before Shabbat ends, so set the reply deadline before Friday evening.