What to write on a tenaim invitation
The “conditions” set before the wedding, sealed by a broken plate: how to announce this ceremony, rarer today.
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The tenaim (literally “conditions”) were historically a formal, solemn agreement between the two families before the wedding: a contract setting out the reciprocal commitments of the couple, once treated with the seriousness of a legal document. The high point is the breaking of a plate (usually porcelain), most often by the two mothers, a gesture that symbolizes both the irreversibility of the commitment and a reminder that even the happiest moments carry some fragility. Today the tenaim as a separate event in its own right is far less common than it once was: many families keep only the symbolic gesture of the broken plate, folded into the wedding itself or an engagement party, rather than holding a distinct ceremony. It remains, however, an established practice in some Orthodox communities. If you are holding a tenaim as a separate event, the wording should explain its meaning to guests who may not be used to it.
What to know before writing the wording
- Say whether it is a separate event or part of an engagement party or the wedding: many guests know the custom only vaguely
- The names of both families are traditionally put forward, even more than at a wedding: the tenaim seal a union between two families
- Mention the breaking of the plate if it will be done publicly: it is often the moment guests are waiting for
- The date and place remain the essential practical details
- Depending on the community, the text of the contract (ketav tenaim) may be read aloud, a more formal moment than a simple announcement
The tenaim as a stand-alone event are rare today outside certain Orthodox circles: depending on the community, the gesture is most often absorbed into an engagement party or the wedding itself. If that is your case, check your family’s custom or your rabbi before organizing a separate ceremony.
Example wordings
בס״ד The [Name] and [Name] families have the honor of inviting you to the tenaim ceremony sealing the commitment of their children [First name] & [First name] [Weekday], [date] at 6:00 p.m. [venue, address] Reading of the ketav tenaim and breaking of the plate Reception to follow
[First name] and [First name] are engaged! Come celebrate with us on [date] at [venue]. As a bonus, we’ll hold the traditional tenaim ceremony and the breaking of the plate to seal our commitment. RSVP by [date]
Mr. and Mrs. [Name] Mr. and Mrs. [Name] are delighted to announce the tenaim of their children [First name] & [First name] and invite you to the ceremony on [date] at [time] [venue] Tradition has the two mothers break a plate: come and bear witness.
Before their wedding, [First name] and [First name] are celebrating their tenaim, a traditional ceremony in which the two families seal their commitment, marked by the symbolic breaking of a plate. Join us on [date] at [time], [venue], for this meaningful moment before the big day.
Tenaim of [First name] & [First name] [date] · [time] [venue] Breaking of the plate at [time] RSVP: [contact]
Honorifics
Because the tenaim traditionally put the union of the two families front and center, it is customary to name the parents on both sides with the same formula and the same order of precedence: avoid listing one family first out of habit rather than by agreement. If a parent has passed away, z"l is added after the name (zichrono livracha for a man, zichrona livracha for a woman, “of blessed memory”), as on any other family invitation.
Common mistakes to avoid
- Presenting the tenaim as a universal practice that every guest expects: today it is a rare ceremony as a separate event, so it is better to explain its meaning.
- Forgetting to say whether the event is distinct from the wedding or part of the engagement party or the wedding itself, which can leave guests confused about what they are invited to.
- Not mentioning the breaking of the plate, when it is often THE moment guests expect and want to see.
- Giving the two families unequal prominence, when the tenaim symbolize precisely their union as equals.
Checklist: don’t forget
- Names of both families (equal treatment)
- First names of the couple
- Date, time and place
- Mention of the breaking of the plate, if it will be public
- A note on the link to the upcoming wedding (separate or combined event)
- RSVP contact
What’s next?
An invitation true to your traditions.
In 4 languages, with Hebrew set the way it should be and replies tracked household by household.
Related pages
- Engagement
What to write on an engagement invitation
The announcement before the wedding: joyful and often spontaneous. Eight ways to phrase it, from a simple message to a real invitation.
- Wedding
What to write on a Jewish wedding invitation
Seven ways to announce it, and everything a Jewish wedding invitation really has to say.
