Guest List: Should You Really Limit Plus-Ones?

You've finalized your list at 180 guests, and the budget holds. Then your cousin announces she's bringing the new boyfriend she met 3 weeks ago. Your best friend wants to bring his roommate 'because she has nothing else going on that night.' Your great-aunt asks whether she should get a seat for her home caregiver. How do you decide? Here's the practical rule.

1The 6-month rule

Simple rule, used by most planners: you grant a plus-one if the guest has been with their partner for AT LEAST 6 months as of the wedding date (not the invitation date). Why 6 months? Because that's roughly the minimum time it takes for there to be a real chance the couple is still together on the big day, and for the guest to actually want to introduce that person to their family. Before 6 months, it's a coin flip — an invitation that isn't honest to anyone.

2The 4 criteria for making exceptions

Cases where you CAN grant a plus-one even without the 6-month relationship:

1. Very close family (brother, sister, first cousin) — invite their current partners out of respect, even if the relationship is recent
2. A guest traveling from far away (a flight, another country) — traveling alone to an all-day wedding is a real ask. An accompanying plus-one makes the decision to come much easier
3. A guest who's a single parent — a solo parent often needs a companion (friend, sibling) to actually enjoy the evening
4. A guest with a disability or who needs assistance — their home caregiver, their support person, of course yes (and never charge for that seat)

3The 3 cases where you SHOULD say no

Conversely, here are the cases where saying no is not just acceptable but the right call:

1. A plus-one requested for an acquaintance (e.g., a coworker 'who wanted to come') — no. Your wedding isn't a networking event
2. A plus-one requested to smooth over family tension (e.g., 'otherwise my dad will complain') — no. Resolve the tension BEFORE the wedding, not on the day itself
3. A plus-one requested late (less than 2 months before the wedding) — no. The seating chart is locked, and this is simply a matter of logistical respect

4How to decline politely

Phrases that work:

• '[Partner] and I agreed to cap the guest list at X to keep things intimate — we hope you understand'
• 'The venue has a hard capacity limit and the caterer charges per plate — we have to keep it to immediate family plus close friends'
• 'We're sorry we can't include [guest's new partner], but we'd love to grab a drink with them once we're back'

5Showing plus-ones on the invitation: how do you indicate it?

On a classic paper invitation, the envelope says it: the names written on it are the people invited. On a digital invitation like Tov.events: each household has its own link and a maximum number of people that you set. The reply form asks who is coming, within that limit, without assuming a partner.

6Special case: an Orthodox Jewish wedding

In Orthodox tradition, an unmarried plus-one isn't considered 'family' in the halachic sense — he or she will be seated on the men's or women's side based on their own gender, not with their partner. Note on the invitation if you're using a mechitza, so no one is caught off guard.

To manage your list household by household, with the number of people planned for each, create your Tov.events list — free during the beta, in English, French, Hebrew and Spanish.