How Much to Give as a Gift at Events

Few social situations cause more anxiety than figuring out how much to give as a gift at a wedding, Bar Mitzvah, or other celebration. Give too little and you might seem cheap. Give too much and you might strain your own budget. The "right" amount depends on several factors: your relationship to the host, the type of event, the location, and your own financial situation.

In this guide, we break down the expected gift amounts for every major type of Jewish celebration, organized by your relationship to the host. These numbers are based on current norms in the American Jewish community as of 2026.

Remember: a gift should never cause financial stress. Give what you can afford with a generous heart, and it will always be appreciated.

Weddings typically call for the most generous gifts. The general rule of thumb is to "cover your plate" — meaning your gift should roughly equal the cost of your attendance (food, drinks, entertainment). In practice, this varies by venue and location.

In high-cost areas like New York, New Jersey, and Los Angeles, these amounts tend to be at the higher end of the range. For a lavish wedding at an upscale venue, close friends and family often give $250-$500 per person.

In Jewish tradition, it is common to give in multiples of $18 (chai = life). So instead of $150, you might give $144 (8 x $18) or $180 (10 x $18). This adds a meaningful cultural touch to your gift.

Tip: If you cannot attend the wedding, a gift of $50-$100 is still a lovely gesture.

Bar and Bat Mitzvah gifts are typically monetary, especially in the Jewish community. The amount depends on your relationship to the family and whether you are attending the party or just the service.

For kids attending as friends, $50 in multiples of $18 (so $54, which is 3 x $18) is a sweet and appropriate amount. For adults attending the full celebration, $100-$150 is standard in most communities.

Savings bonds, Israel bonds, and donations to charity in the child's name are also meaningful alternatives or additions to a monetary gift.

Gift expectations vary by event type. Here is a quick guide for other Jewish celebrations:

For Sheva Brachot (the seven festive meals after a wedding), a monetary gift is not expected. Instead, bringing a nice bottle of wine or a dessert is the standard gesture. Some guests bring a small gift for the couple's new home.

For a Brit Milah, baby gifts (clothes, toys, practical items) are just as welcome as monetary gifts. A common amount is $36-$72 (2-4 x $18).

Navigate gift-giving with confidence using these etiquette guidelines:

• Multiples of $18 (chai) — In Jewish tradition, giving in multiples of 18 symbolizes giving "life." Common amounts: $36, $54, $72, $90, $108, $180, $360.
• Cash or check is fine — Monetary gifts are completely normal and often preferred in the Jewish community. No need to feel awkward about it.
• Venmo/Zelle is acceptable — Digital payments are increasingly common, especially for younger guests. Many couples and families prefer this for convenience.
• Give what you can afford — Never go into debt for a gift. A heartfelt card with a modest gift is better than a generous check that strains your finances.
• Consider the total cost — If attending a wedding required travel and hotel expenses, your gift amount can be on the lower end. Hosts understand.
• Timing — Wedding gifts can be sent anytime within a few months of the wedding. Bar Mitzvah gifts are typically given at or before the event.

Tov.events tip: Hosting an event? Make gift-giving easy for your guests by adding a gift registry link or monetary gift option directly to your digital invitation page on Tov.events.